The Dao of GenX

I recently had a long conversation with a friend who was feeling disillusioned and disappointed because, as he put it, nothing he’s tried has worked out like he intended. This was a very general statement but specifically, he was referring to his relationship status. Namely, that he'd like one. Because of his disappointment with both the magical and the mundane (love spells and dating sites) approaches that haven’t produced the desired results, he was rethinking his spiritual beliefs. We talked at length about the people we know who are serious magical practitioners, and of those who followed a more conventional approach to life, the universe and everything (credit Douglas Adams). On the surface, it doesn’t seem to matter. For the most part, both approaches result in the same victories, failures, lucky breaks, and pitfalls. At the end of the conversation, we had more questions than answers and it left me thinking about how it all works. Also, how it doesn’t.

I’m a basic, everyday Daoist. I do my best to go with the flow and not overanalyze people or events too much. The second part of this comes naturally and over time, I’ve gotten better at the first part. My brain thinks in parables and random metaphors, and it occurred to me that the way things ‘work’ is very similar to how Gen X experienced childhood. TikTok and Instagram are full of Gen Xers waxing nostalgic about their childhood and it’s hilarious, by the way. Also, true. The way I see our relationship with the Dao is that no matter what generation we were born into, we’re all Gen X kids. We’re expected to be self-sufficient and resilient.  This is important because the Universe is our Boomer parent and as such, does not care about our preferences, our opinions, or what we want in general. We get what we get, and we don’t throw a fit. Or, if we do throw said fit, we suffer the consequences.

Don’t like brussels sprouts? Tough. If you don’t finish them, and the rest of your dinner, you can’t have ice cream later. Don’t like your job? Tough. If you don’t go to work, you can’t pay your rent or buy groceries (no brussels sprouts ftw). Even worse, even if you do go, but you don’t perform your job well enough to make your boss happy, the end result is the same.

But life doesn’t have to be this miserable, all the time anyway (I mean, there are worse things than brussels sprouts). As a kid, maybe you learned to bury the sprouts in the mashed potatoes and gravy so they weren’t so bad (or the dog would then eat them) and you got dessert. As an adult, you have more options and workarounds than you think. You may not be crazy about your choices but, again, the Universe doesn’t care about your preferences. This is where regular magical practices can help.

First, let’s clear up some semantics. When I say ‘magical’, I mean whatever bit of spiritual, mystical, or soul soothing things you embrace that make your life better. If your jam is full-on carving sigils in candles and infusing them with herbs and oils as you chant ancient incantations under a particular phase of the moon, then go for it. If you’re like me and are more low-key, then holding your favorite piece of quartz in your left hand as you turn your face to the moonlight streaming through your window is your kind of magic. Or attend whatever religious service speaks to your spiritual beliefs. You do you.

If you’re not into an esoteric aesthetic, then maybe self-care is your vibe. Or you lower your stress levels by crafting, or gardening. You get my drift. There will always be unpleasant tasks and people that need to be addressed, tended to, and handled. They’re the brussels sprouts of life and there’s no way around them. The secret of a magical life is learning and applying a skill that makes this as easy and painless as possible. Word, though, these terms are relative. Reward yourself accordingly. Interactions with some people are worth ice cream, others require a second helping of tiramisu.

After some further thought, I considered the part of the conversation with my friend where we mused that being a devoted and dedicated spiritual practitioner, doesn’t mean life comes easy. Lots of skilled tradition elders, sages, mages and such struggle financially and in other ways. The same can be said for artists of all mediums. Civilization doesn’t value these skills, yet expects them to be available, and for the taking. This begs the larger question: does magic really work?

The concept of manifestation has been having a moment for a while now. Visualize what you want, better yet, create a vision board so you can see it every day. Post affirmations on the bathroom mirror. If you can conceive it, you can achieve it. These all sound great in theory but human existence is not a level playing field. Some people are born with talent, others with money and privilege, while others come into this world starting at less than zero. Constructs are built and demolished in an instant with very real collateral damage. It’s great to have a plan; develop a road map for where you’d like your life to go. Just remember to write it in pencil to make the inevitable adjustments. And don’t get too attached to outcomes. Magic works, just not always in the way you think it will. When you toss out your expectations, you can better see that what you’ve created is beautiful and perfect. With nary a vision board in sight.

Most importantly, consistency is the key. It’s where and how you show up for yourself that counts. Do the work that’s right for you. The Universe, just like your Boomer parent, isn’t going to reward you for taking care of yourself. That’s up to you.

I should note that I believe that brussels sprouts have gotten a bad rap. Like most kids, the brussels sprouts of my childhood were pale yellowish orbs boiled within an inch of decimation in salted water, dumped onto the plate as an afterthought by my well-meaning-but-culinary-challenged mother. As an adult, I discovered that sprouts lovingly tossed in bacon fat, seasoned, then roasted until crisp and tender are delightful experience. I never knew they could be such a beautiful, vibrant green color and, alongside a holiday roast dinner, are now one of my favorite vegetables. Proof positive that magic does work.

See for yourself.

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