The Importance of Being (a little) Feral

It seems like a lifetime ago, but it’s only been four years. Like a lot of people, in March 2020, I shifted from an existence primarily outside of my home, to within my home. While the circumstances were serious and unsettling, the concept of being ‘comfortable’ took its place in the forefront of life. No more hard pants or uncomfortable shoes. No more makeup (once I worked out the soft zoom filter and after a while, we were mostly cameras off anyway). No more pretense, the only thing that mattered were results.

And results could easily be achieved in one’s pajamas. Showers and grocery pickups happened at lunchtime, or between meetings. Meals could be prepared during a conference call (cameras off).

There were a few drawbacks, but I quickly realized that I was built for this life. During the transition, I learned a lot from my cat, Marlowe. He’s a still a little bit feral, he was born into a family of street cats. He retreats to a safe distance, hidden from view (or so he thinks but everyone knows that the lump in the middle of the bed is a cat) whenever someone from ‘the outside’ crosses the threshold. He will occasionally resurface, depending on who’s come over to visit, but he’s very selective.

I’ve become increasingly selective myself, although I haven’t taken to diving under the bedcovers just yet. However, I do find the outside world to be mostly overrated. Maybe it’s partly because I’m managing pain and energy levels, but so is Marlowe. If anything, he’s become more feral with age, so there’s something else we have in common.

The definition of feral is: “in a wild state, especially after escape from captivity or domestication.”.

Now, well into my third act, I understand the importance of being a little feral. I do the things that must be done, but also things I want to do. I’ve learned that “no” is a complete sentence and that I don’t need to explain further, but I might if it’s important to the overall outcome that I soften my response.

Exiting the corporate world was my escape from captivity. I was there for a very long time, so venturing out of the cage was a slow process. Captivity often masquerades as safety, but that’s an illusion. Real safety is being able to fend for yourself, no matter what the circumstances. It’s important to have a fallback plan. This became clear to me when I was laid-off from my stable, long-term position in 2016. I missed the opportunity to do something completely different with my life, to realign my career into a path that better fit my interests and my nature, because I took the safe route. I found another position pretty much like the one before. I found another cage.

It was a nicer cage than any I’d had before, but I was still in captivity. Still bound by the schedules and expectations dictated by someone other than me.

From the outside, my life now might look like another form of captivity. I’m struggling with mobility issues due to arthritis in my hips, so I’m not out galivanting, but I’m exploring all the options within my realms of possibilities. I don’t think there’s anything much more feral than wildflowers and they quite happy blooming where they’re planted, just being wild and pretty. Marlowe was born in the wild and has zero desire to venture out into the world. He’s completely content with his life as an inside cat.

The walls don’t make the cage.

I’m learning new skills and forming new connections. I’m discovering what I like to do, what I’m good at doing, and how I can use this in the most productive and creative ways. I’m not simply doing okay, I’m doing very well overall, and I’m gearing up for the measures that will be necessary to take care of what needs tending.

It’s important, when one is a little feral, that work does not feel like work. Feral is a state of mind, not necessarily running with wild abandon. Although, if that’s your thing and it doesn’t affect anyone else’s thing, then, do you. Being feral gives me the freedom to be myself, without the constraints imposed by anyone else, individually or as a group. It’s living my truth (I truly despise that phrase) while also accepting the truth of reality. It’s following my own conscience and accepting the responsibility of my actions.

It’s lowering my expectations while raising my standards. Following my nature and not comparing my situation to anyone else’s. If the way I live my life makes sense to me, well that’s really all that matters. Feral, by definition, may look another way to you, but I’ll bet we have more similarities than differences.

I’ll leave you with a few of the lessons I’ve learned from Marlowe about staying a little feral:

·         Make noise when you need someone to do something.

·         If you can, do it yourself and don’t worry about breaking something or making a mess.

·         Spend enough time alone. Napping is an excellent way to do this.

·         Go along, or resist, depending on which is easier, or more beneficial.

·         It’s okay to ignore that in which you have no interest.

·         It’s possible to be friendly and agreeable and be ungovernable with firm boundaries.

·         It’s okay to bite after fair warning. You get to decide how much is fair.

Another list, oh dear. Oh well. I’m feral. I do what I want.

If you would like to know more about my ancestral connection work, my Daoist path, or my other offerings such as tarot readings, spiritual guidance and mindset coaching, you can find more detailed information by using the drop-down menu on my website: The Mystic’s Parlour (the-mystics-parlour.ghost.io)

You can also contact me via email at themysticsparlour@gmail.com or on any of my social media channels. And follow along with TABI Tarot on their social media channels as well. https://tabi.org.uk

Your continued support and encouragement are greatly appreciated.