The Relevance of Grace
What the heck is wrong with people?
These are the words I wrote yesterday to begin this week’s column. I deleted the 500 or so subsequent words after also grumbling that ‘people’ should check their motivation before they act.
It’s me. I’m people. And that action was the tirade I wrote yesterday and deleted today. In the interest of complete honesty and transparency, I also expressed a strong opinion that people should check their privilege. Oof, that was an awful thing to say in the spirit in which I meant it, and I’m ashamed of myself.
I then came to my senses a bit and acknowledged the importance of extending a little grace to those ‘other people’ because my core belief is that we are all doing the best we can at every given moment. Our best, however, is a moving target. I’m still not at an acceptable best, for me, but my words are now moving in the right direction.
I’ve grown increasingly annoyed by the repeated stories of people losing their minds on airplanes or making mountains from molehills over trivial issues with restaurant staff and owners. One of the things my Shifu, Lao, drilled into my head was that the real root of my external annoyance is internal. If someone’s actions perturb me, it’s a sign I need to hold up a mirror and examine what it is I see reflected in myself. Also, I need to scroll past these stories and focus on more positive interactions, to clear the negative vibes from my algorithm.
The Daoist Immortals known as the Rolling Stones have said time and again, “you can’t always get what you want”. I think we all accept this as fact, but the interesting follow up to that line is ‘if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need”.
Bear with me, I’m connecting the dots here. I’m currently reading The Other Side of Mrs. Wood by Lucy Barker. Within the first few pages I found a connection with Mrs. Wood, an ageing medium living in late 19thCentury London. She struggles with the passage of time as younger mediums, with their fresh new approaches and offerings, arrive on the scene, threaten her livelihood and more importantly, her relevance. I feel you, Mrs. Wood, I get it. When I started reading tarot 30 years ago, it was a rare and intriguing skill. Now, pretty much anyone can (and does) do it. The landscape looks very different from how it was when I began. Same as it ever was, right?
By holding up my mirror, I realize that I’m annoyed by people who clamor for attention and importance because, as much as I hate to admit it, a part of me wants attention. Wants to be noticed. Wants to feel important and validated. This mirror is limited by its two-dimensional nature, however, and the reflection warrants further questions.
Do I want fame? Maybe, but for a level of accomplishment I’m not sure I have in me.
Do I want popularity? Possibly. I’d like for the people who do know me to like me.
Do I want respect? Yes. I want to earn it through my work and my character.
Do I want to be important? No, but I do want to be relevant.
And yet, none of these things has anything to do with me, really. They are dependent on the thoughts and opinions of others, over which I have no control.
My cards today were: The Hermit, the Nine of Wands, and the Ten of Wands. Doing the work is more than just the work itself. It’s making the push to bring it out into the world, and the sacrifices that must be made to prioritize the importance of the work. My work is unlike the work produced by anyone else. My work, my lane. And if I choose not to share it, then that’s on me. I can’t have it both ways. No one is going to search out my cave, or my work.
I’m not one for slick productions or clever journalism and I sometimes feel about as relevant as a dinosaur. Like an enigma of the past. My lane consists of words on the page and the words that come from my cards and the messages I’m meant to relay. My lane is one of service, compassion, substance, and grace. That last attribute is buried deeper in my nature, affected by years of cynicism (I blame Corporate America) but I’m working on it. By giving my time, my knowledge and abilities, and my authentic self, I get what I need. Which isn’t about me, at all.
The words of Marcus Aurelias turned up in my sphere today because the universe pays attention:
Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.
Don’t be overheard complaining, not even to yourself.
Limit yourself to the present.
Choose not to be harmed and you won’t be.
No matter what anyone says or does, my task is to be good.
All my favorite people demonstrate these characteristics. They are true to their nature, they don’t involve themselves in petty squabbles (or any squabbles), they focus on what positive attributes they can contribute to the world around them, and… they are simply nice people. It goes without saying but being nice is their default. They aren’t nice for any other reason than It’s who they are. And my mother demonstrated, by her unfailing and lifelong example, that it’s just as easy to be nice. This is the reflection I wish to see in my own mirror.
Isn’t this the only relevance of any importance?
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