Confessions of a Failed Hotline Psychic
I got sacked from my hotline psychic gig this week. No warning, no specifics, just a pro-forma email stating that the collaboration between myself and the service was terminated. My profile dropped, my access removed, with the assurance that I would be paid on the next cycle. I know that approximate amount (and it’s not much) so if they’re close, I won’t bother to query.
The reason, and I quote, is because they “have unfortunately seen that in comparison to other readers the optimal match (between myself ant the average customer) is below average”. I apparently have a low chat ration and a high number of customers who choose to end the chat with me.
For the record, almost all chats end because the customer is out of prepurchase credits. I was able to see how many credits (meaning how much time) they had to spend, and I conducted the reading accordingly (meaning I was able to give adequate insight in relation to their question and their time). I did not leave them hanging. I did not encourage them to buy more credits to receive a reading worth the amount they had already spent.
To add insult to injury, the hotline is dead right now. I could see the number of readers who were busy in comparison to the number of readers available. I could also see the number of new readers added and suspect that part of their business model is by constantly turning over those at the bottom.
It’s fine. Really. I’m not bitter (ha). But I have do have observations to share. On the surface, this company has been in operation for well over ten years. They have a stable online platform that is easy to navigate with real-time tracking and statistics. They have an outward appearance of support with onboarding and ongoing training and support.
They also have an annoyingly cheerful communication style and encourage the overuse of emojis to build connection with their customers. This requires balancing three factors: being responsive to the customer, indirectly encouraging the customer to buy more time, and searching for the ‘right’ emoji to express emotional connection. Just the fact that they are referred to as ‘customers’ didn’t sit right with me.
Another significant observation is that I was using the time online simply to keep my recorded hours up. I justified this by working on other things while waiting for the notification to ring, and that I was staying active so they wouldn’t drop be before things picked up in the fall (that didn’t work out so well).
But the truth is, I absolutely dreaded that ring. It would either be a trial chat (unpaid, but with a bonus if I converted them to paid customer) or someone who bought credits for a reading. These scenarios each needed a different approach. Trial chats (according to our directive) were to build connection, not give away a complete reading for free in three minutes. Fair enough, but those opting for a trial chat seldom agreed. When I got a customer with credits in place, I switched gears into full reading mode.
The similarity between the two, however, was the same. I was a faceless resource at the other end of a keyboard who was expected to solve all their problems, or answer questions with a specific and definitive answer, in the amount of time they thought reasonable.
This is not how a tarot reading works. Not for me anyway, and that’s why I don’t work there anymore.
I’m a little dejected, just because they don’t want me and not the other way around. But I’m also pragmatic and realistic and it wasn’t working for me either. So now, here I am writing about it. I'm writing anything for the first time in ages, actually.
My original intention was to entertain you with stories about the people I met on the same keyboard I’m typing on now. Despite the service insisting my statistics weren’t up to par, I conducted 250 readings in about 150 hours over three months’ time. The majority of customers (or potential customers) asked variations of the same question: “do they still love me and are they coming back?". They wanted a definitive and affirmative response when in reality, if they’re asking the question, they already know the answer (and they don’t like it). I have plenty of ‘shaking my damn head’ stories, but they’re really all the same and for the most part, just too sad to share. Every now and again I felt I was able to really help someone with practical, sound advice and guidance, but those readings were too few and too far between.
I suspect that artificial intelligence technology will replace chat-based online psychics sooner rather than later, but my hope is that this will cause people to crave real human interaction when searching for the answers they look for. I hope they remember how to use their phones to speak to people. Maybe I’ll try working as a phone psychic at some point. We’ve come a long way since Miss Cleo.
I’m ready for that, right here, right now. It’s not lost on me that today is the festival of Lunasa, the first of the harvest festivals. I’m harvesting the lessons I learned over my summer as a hotline psychic and moving forward, back into real space with people I can see and talk with in person, and writing to you every week. I've missed this time.
I’m hosting live readings and chat sessions every Sunday as part of the Trusted Tarot group on Facebook. I’m offering a free beginner tarot workshop on August 22nd and 23rd designed to help anyone curious about the tarot to start reading their cards right away and encourage them to take their studies deeper. I’m presenting The Dao of Witchcraft at WitchCon 2027 and will share that link when the information is posted. And, as always, I continue to support TABI (the Tarot Association of British and International Members) as Committee Secretary, Intermediate Tableau Instructor, and blog contributor.
More events and offerings to follow but if you're interested, you can always reach me via email at themysticsparlour@gmail.com, follow me on Instagram as @the.mystics.parlour, or send me a friend request on Facebook.
If you would like to know more about my ancestral connection work, my Daoist path, or my other offerings such as tarot readings and classes, spiritual guidance, and mindset mentoring, you can find more detailed information by using the drop-down menu on my website: https://the-mystics-parlour.ghost.io or drop me a line at the email address above.
I appreciate your continued support and encouragement.